小貓QQ

the chemicals in my brain

ration themselves out

to make tears in my eyes

and the feeling in my chest.

how wonderfully indecipherable,

the hieroglyphs of it all.

i wonder what’d happen

if it got severed by time.

i wonder what it must be like

to be able to build bridges

a certain way.

never really learned how to

connect my streams

into a coherently

understandable form 

for the others.

maybe it’s better to leave it alone

but…

they should see some of 

the most incredible things.

selfish me.

yesterday’s aftermath

becomes today’s path

to weather down for tomorrow.

forever last,

the memories from past

haunts me with sorrow.

my eyes flicker, left and right.

completely unsure of which

to hold in my line of sight:

your face, there’s two.

swift and wildly unrealistic,

expectant worship for the idealistic

and proud, Dragon Lord.

swooping in the clouds,

vibrant and noble-hearted

(though ruthless and pompous),

the beautiful free spirit

confidently and fearlessly

roams day and night.

新年快乐 2012

take all i have given

and disregard the time and effort

placed in earnest attempt

for perennial expiration dates.

you were an exquisite waste  of time.

i loved the way you smiled,

the sounds that rhymed

in melody, never cacophony 

until…

my eyes began to see

that the question of

impossibility.

but really, it was just

improbability.

you’ll never miss 

what you never had;

all those wishes at 11:11 wasted

for the one who would never come,

so why do i sit here,

and gaze at the stars

so wistfully

as i feel like a creature from Mars?

life is a sonnet, my sonnet.

but how do i begin to compose?

in the morning i feel groggy

from the night’s past foggy

memories of the dreams and thoughts: 

with the dragon i fought

tooth and nail,

but with no avail,

it bit my head off…

and then i woke up.

feels good to be back

in the flesh

in the zone

out of mind

and completely toned

as the colors of the sounds

vibrate in my head

and i taste the loudness

of the oscillations

and i see the voice

of the wind’s scent.

these days i feel like i’m on autopilot

as i wander the streets at speeds

so i see the world in violet

blurs, i proceed

across a bridge

not built by me.

i’ve discovered her,

the most elusive creature:

so beautiful and coy,

she toys with me

and then leaves. 

free spirit that can’t be tied down,

she wanders and romps, unprotected

to form drop dead gorgeous devastation.

words, how i love you.

you take my breath away

with the way you string together words

to form a necklace of pure gold.

wish i could wear you forever,

but it’s just for display.

maybe i’ll sneak in at night

and steal it for a second…

just for that moment i’d like to feel

what it is like to be real.

the hiss of the heater comes from my left,

but the cold air swirls to encompass me.

no blanket could warm my body

as the soul wanders the arctic.

toes curl under as i inhale

and i decide

to sink myself in 

a warm bubble bath.

curious how the small hours 

in the dark 

tempts me to fall once more

as if the first sever hadn’t been

harsh enough.

sheets of notes,

the telltale scrawl

of your right hand

makes me drop my pen and

trace with my fingers

the letters and imagine

what went on in your mind

as you wrote them.

sitting here and letting my thoughts

consume my body, vein by vein.

soon enough, love turns to dust,

as my toes grow cold

from standing in the snow

from the tears that i let fall,

that froze.