the red umbrella
overcast skies lead to downcast eyes, the rhinestones fall around me but i only see a glimmer of a brilliant flame high above my head: a scarlet dot in a monochrome metallic sea.
these days my lungs feel too big for my chest and my heart thumps too softly to have a pulse. with dying embers in my passion, i blow carefully to tend the glow that once wasn’t so timid.
consider it dead and gone when i leave you be - the unheard calls and messages that come too late flash on my screen but i turn my head, refuse to see. it’s not easy to turn away from you, your scent, your gaze, your touch, but it is something that i have to do. one day.
today just feels like a day that i can just sit back put my feet up and stare at the ceiling and think about anything, everything doing all the things that i feel like maybe put on heels just for the hell of it or fool around with makeup play dress up all that good stuff. nobody’s up at 7am.
what more can i say?
today i took the time to flip through a few forgotten photographs and i saw something that took my breath away. your smile so genuine, your eyes misted over with adoration, line of sight to her in your arms.
sharpie fine point permanent marker :]
and so the other half dies with muffled cries
this is the third night that i went to bed with tears in my hair and a headphone in my ear listening to love songs, trying to feel again. where did you go?
to fall in looooooooveeeee :D
perhaps you understand.
bookcases to the sky
the raindrops fall to cover the streaks on my face. i am grateful for nature’s cover: the passerbys dont stop and stare, my facade weaers on. out of the gloomy skies comes a scaffold that stops the million splatters and streams to leave only the twin marks coursing down my cheeks. and now, they double take.
at night when my tears glisten in the moonlight, i shiver ever so slightly in the thin sheet that tangles me, traps me, holds me fast to reality.
he must be tall with captivating eyes, strong arms to catch me when i fall hard for him, to lay me onto his solid chest to hear his gentle beat of life. but most of all, behind the windows to his soul, i need something to respond with resonate with let go
three hundred and sixty five days rewind and i find myself an insecure creature. one more time it turns, and i see through the eyes of the surrendered girl. fast forward a hundred and four weeks to today to glance at someone who is bursting to get out of the old mold into who i am now.
when it is just me, myself and i, we collide in our attempt to grasp the graphite and clay to pencil in the image on my table top. sometimes an eye, a lip, maybe a sketch of that bottle on the windowsill, there.
lock and key
we’re a mix of all the lethal ones, a massive ball of fuel that keeps on going: combining to create a hellish demon that becomes what we are. if we let it be that way
bright eyes towards the future and time methodically ticks to meet that secret side. your question still haunts me, your statement echos. i will confess my answer.
anguish leaks from my veins to create the bruise that spreads from my head to my toes, fueling my muscles to push hard away from it all.
look into my eyes and you’ll see how dead and hollow i am now. i once felt the little signals that the universe threw at me. i once saw the brilliance of the light above. but now i am deaf to them, they’re background noises.
i feel the loneliness licking my sides as the pit burns hotter and it rises above my head leaving me with burns that crisscross all over my skin to mark me for what i’ve done.
it leaves me with no escape: the sweet scent, my drug. i come back again and again to shape my lips around my addiction. kiss happybirthdaytome7.12.11<3 shhhh ;]
and so she breathes
two girls sat together on the stone reading out loud, alone. she had hair down to her knees, the other, with no flutter in the breeze. her voice painted a bright world for the other to see, a sight that the second knew would never be visible.
the silence rings loudly in my ears and the stink of clean perforates my nostrils. time stays still.
love of mine
tonight, my lungs hurt from the sharp breaths i inhaled as i lay curled on my bathroom floor, for the last two hours. tonight, my eyes burn from the salted crystals that leaked as i sat, back to the locked door to prevent it from opening. tonight, my body sighs and shuts down as i drag my feet when i walked to my computer. what a lovely almost birthday that never was. thank you, creators,...
i sat, swinging my feet on the courtroom bench wandering around the room with my eyes. click, click, clicking heels on the cold hard ground, two unmoving clocks hugged the wall. a whisper, a murmur, two glances that way! they stared imploringly, speaking in their minds through their eyes as i wait.
i'm in to rhymes sometimes.
tell a story with your words and encase me in the sweet fantasy to rescue me from reality that sometimes i don’t think i can handle at all. or is it, actuality that i shy away from? but anyhow, hook me on to your rhythm and i’ll try to find my resonance with that longitudinal frequency. first a little, then harder until i become taken smitten with the vibrations that i cant...
my thoughts collide in a symphony that i once thought to be a cacophony: everything seems so clear now that it’s congealed into a bubbly mass of brains. i’m hungry for more.
oh, i wonder.
inspiration from deep within my soul i latch on to that single grain of thought that manifests and infects, resilient.
tonight i sit on my swivel chair facing the computer, running my fingers through my hair. from side to side my eyes flicker and my mind races to form words until i cant decide and begin to bicker. what would i write for today and post tomorrow? how am i to create my pieces? surely there is an idea i can borrow? but no, i sit alone and bathe in my confusion simmering and seething until i...
fireworks for us tonight as the whole world looks up at the majestic light. for me, its a display of affection that burst out of my chest, from my collection. happy days.
once upon a time i felt a seed of hope the kind that reaches deep within the well and pulls me up with the strongest rope. by and by the strings wore thin until i was hanging by just a tiny thread, knowing deep down that i wouldn’t win. just one more heave and i’ll be out but the world is so cruel it doesn’t help: instead, it sends endless doubt. once upon a time i...
i've lost my voice
i’ve lost my voice to express my thoughts, i’ve lost my thoughts to fuel my soul. i’ve lost my soul to keep me sane, i’ve lost my sanity a while back.
there’s a little thing called jealousy that brews and brews inside my mind: it always screams, “me, me, me!” in the manner most unrefined. it wouldn’t matter if i knew who i was it wouldn’t stop even if the world decided to end! from deep within, i hear the never ending buzz that fueled a split i could never mend.