小貓QQ

my tongue feels like sandpaper and i taste

the arid breeze in the back of my throat.

hours spent finding a way out

had left me depleted

deserted

defeated.

beams of sunlight break through the thick clouds

to bathe me in a patch of golden glow

that illuminates my soul.

ribbons descend from the sky to wrap around my arms

lifting me upwards into the clouds of summer:

the end of the school year,

the last glimpse of my report card.

beyond

i can feel my breaths dwindling,

the rise and fall of my chest stopping,

my eyes slowly shutting close

and yet i cant help but force myself

to take another gulp of oxygen

that burns my lungs so.

with the death of my body,

comes the death of my mind,

and there’s a lot i have to say

before my time comes.

its been a while since i felt this white hot anger

boil in the pit of my stomach.

but i suppose it’s as good of a time now as ever

to let it all out in one big explosion.

i lay on my bed, face down.

i could feel the tears burning my cheeks

and the blood seeping out from my sides.

soon enough, tears mixed with blood 

and formed little clear pools within the red.

you tore out my heart little by little

and this was yet another chunk.

i wonder how much is left before

i’m a corpse.

today i sat on the train musing about the next few days

when a lady stumbled between the doors and fell flat on her face!

she was wearing nine inch heels

how, i wondered would she expect to get anywhere without wheels…

but that’s not the point of what i saw:

what was present was so much more raw.

the doors closed with a melodic ‘bing!’

she threw her head back and rose to sing

a piercing note that hovered over my head

all too soon, i knew she was going to be dead:

a sickly crunch on the outside shell

foretold that her fate would not be well.

there was nothing else to do as of now

just to wait and see if she really had to take a bow

from the stage called ‘life’

usually filled with strife

and descend to death.

typical me, to find myself

searching for what death will take away from me.

the oddest sensation spreads through my veins:

starting with a dense bubble in my chest,

it pushes outwards, making my arms numb.

this has been eating away at me for a long time

as they just keep walking into my life,

no knocking, no notification of any sort.

privacy

if they don’t learn how to be human,

then they will die like the animals they are

once i get my hands round their necks.

this morning, the carpet bit me.

it left scores down my left side,

and up my right side,

feathering down my neck and invaded my face.

a night and a half of fun,

four hours of deep sleep.

oh, the things done after prom.

“confidence is a must,” i think as i don my gown.

tonight, i dine under the stars and spin

to counter the earth.

2011 prom!

happy :]

bright lights and flashing bulbs

shine down on her glistening hair

as her heels click in time to the heavy music.

her mouth twists into a smirk as she parades

down the walkway, head held high.

the night wears on as she grows weary of holding back

her insatiable craving.

ribs groan in protest and hips swish angrily:

she is hungry for her audience.

under those blood red lips and hollow eyes,

the model turns into the walking dead.

its times like this where i can sit in this chair

for hours on end.

i’d grow numb slowly:

starting from my butt,

down my legs,

up my aching spine,

all the way to my fingers,

eventually ending 

at my brain.

the sweet lowing melody beckons 

from behind as the year comes to a close.

i wonder why i let myself become who i am today.

all of the things just keep on mounting beside me

and i think, if i hadn’t existed, would this have happened?

all of the bad things, all of the good things,

so jumbled up in a neat package of tumbleweeds

blowing through the wind, getting caught in fences,

and finally being thrown violently out the window

by that tornado there, lifting me to the sky 

and slamming me into the buildings over and over again.

i can never reach the eye of the storm.

its the feeling that keeps gnawing,

grinding its teeth on my skull,

breaking through to drink my brain

that i can never get a good hold of.

hours pass, and i am still here, still completely oblivious.

i wish that could change.

but if i have a nickel for every wish i made,

i’d be filthy rich.

but wouldn’t everyone else be, too?

i’ll find the one with a single coin

and ask…

stomach acid whirls full force

and punches my gut down to the ground:

i hold the twin blades in my hands

and i step cautiously forward.

mist curling around my feet,

choking me as my chest rises to take in the murky air, 

stinging my eyes as i struggle to see

if the zombie is out to get me.

lurching to the right, i feel my blood turn into pins

to stab my veins over and over again.

i throw my head skyward and let loose a howl:

he’s got me from underneath.

brows furrowed at the numerous glances,

i continue onwards in my platformed journey.

one step, two steps, three steps more,

the lady next to me smiles appreciatively.

‘those are nice,’ the unsaid compliment

wafts through the air:

a pungent reminder of what wouldn’t have been,

without.

murky beginnings from the tunnel, left,

expectant routes to lead, right:

i stand on the platform edge, 

teetering ever so slightly,

eagerly awaiting the fate

the next brings me.