小貓QQ

in the early hours of the morning,

i scramble to collect my thoughts.

has this all been a lucid dream,

or am i living these moments 

without emotion?

sun streams slowly

through laced curtains,

but i turn away.

fear seizes my heart

as my hands go numb

and my lungs forget

to expand.

make the cut.

memory’s old and scratched.

it skips around and stops

at certain days.

replaying the same old thing,

bringing up the past.

is it a sign

or a stitch in time

from that scar

in my ribs?

Searching in the crevices,
Fingers digging deep to try to find
The much needed pieces.
I only manage to hold
Half a stick of chewing gum,
My left earring,
A crumpled up old receipt
From last nights spending
At the unexpected movie,
And a few nickels.

freshly painted nails

stand no chance

with the guitar case.

the zipper bites the thumb,

and my hard work

is undone. 

yet somehow,

its a relief.

who am i trying 

to impress

anyway?

look me in the eye and tell me

that it all was a lie

because the promises

end up broken,

the sadness and regrets

all suppressed and unspoken,

and the flower that bloomed

becomes frozen.

slowly but surely,

soon enough,

it withers and dies.

read the words that hurt your heart

ten times over to make sure

the pain was real…

the cleaning sparked by terrible loss,

the sorrow that fills the empty space

is temporarily occupied by the anger,

hate and frustration that merely rents,

and the occasional disappointment

who crashes on the couch over there

and lingers past his welcomed stay.

all i can do now is wait for the joy

that is bound to come in the end.

hello, my friend. i’ve missed you so.

the first touch of two,

hesitant and shy.

separate bodies

with a single mind.

how’d it become

so torn and tearful?

who severed the bridge

and paused plasticity?

lucid dream of your embrace

makes me never want to wake.

early clutches of dawn

leave me breathless

and aching from deep inside

for more.

but, no rest for the wicked.

my mind hungered for your thoughts,

my fingers searched for your warmth.

my eyes wandered for a memory:

it’s the only thing to keep me company.

never did i think my heart

would pummel the earth again,

but i was wrong.

i closed my eyes to brace the storm,

and my mistake

to underestimate

the actual hurricane.

caught myself starting to smile

when i thought about you

in the middle of class

as i usually do.

of all the little things you’d say

and your chocolate eyes

melt my soul

and i fly to the sky

as an angel only for you

but you’d never know that!

no, i’d never say…

because never more do we chat,

vita excolatur.

do you want me to say

that i’ll be okay

when you’re away

and lie to you?

it is possible to be happy

without me

and you will be,

you say, but it is improbable.

you treated me like a princess

so spoiled that i forgot

and everything was perfect.

the world doesn’t turn for me.

undress with hesitant hands,

peel away the layers of security

until what’s left is the core.

throbbing and pulsing,

a life of its own.

i woke up today,

dreaming about tomorrow,

basking in yesterday’s sorrow.

it feels odd, you know?

to have a split mind

and over think all the time.

stuck in limbo, thinking of the past

wondering how did it change

when i thought it was going to last.

never did i cry as much this

with the hurt in my eyes

heart laden, an abyss.

i think im taking it over the top

but i poured out so much 

i can never really stop.

what i felt for you then

i feel for you now

what am i going to do…

the days feel like years

when i listen to your voice

on my phone:

soft, laden with emotion.

the almost of the have

the ache of the break.

dont die wondering about

the pain that you gain

to make your up your game.

when you’re ready, you’re set,

when you’re lonely, dont regret.