thoughts come and go,
ebbing. each wave more violent
than the next. day and night
crash against the rocks, erode
until it becomes tiny particles
of sand. grains that get stuck
on people, my lasting legacy,
my only. but then again, it
washes off and returns to its
burial place, on the ground,
trampled on by others. its there,
tangible, but when collected in
your hand, it flows out.
its all come down to a tissue,
one poke away from ripping…
you say that
you’re the duct tape
that fixes everything.
so where are you?
it hurts when you praise another child
because all i see is your love for him
and your hate for me. sixteen years
of putting up with your compliment
towards him and then her, your criticism
towards me. i dont want the world to
see me because they wont understand
how broken i am. you dont even know
who i am. i question who i am. because
all the promises you’ve made is a lie.
now my body is riddled with scars
inside and out: some closing, but you
constantly scratch it open. each passing
day i wonder if you’ve ever thought back
to the times when i was a toddler, crying
myself to sleep each night. to those horrid
minutes of slaps and pinches: hard enough
to sting, but not enough to leave bruises.
clever, real clever. no corporal evidence.
but its all here, in my mind. those hours of
being locked in the small bathroom to listen
to the drip, drip, drip of the faucet, and the
buzz of the taunting light that wont turn on.
to hear your breathing out the door is all
the incentive i need to cower in the corner
furthest away from the monster you are.
flinch, flinch every time you come into the room
without my knowing. your limp, signature limp
signals the onslaught of storm. the flurry of
cane, tooth and claw. your hunched stature of five,
look at you, welcoming another one in. how much
better is she than me? i know if given a choice
you’d save her instead of me. “will you cry at
my funeral?” you ask. my answer…
my answer…
i have no comment for the two thousand eleventh year. from what has happened already to what i expect to happen in the future… i see a world of convoluted poems and paintings. i know its hard to picture it now, the toilsome methods as it pervades. but what can i do in the few week’s time of blindness? i’ve gone this way too many times, pacing round and round again go forward, and circle back again… wearing the path with my feet getting deeper and deeper in the self made grave that i decided to unconsciously walk into. spiral out of control.
with me running blind,
no one follow.
think.
it seems you’re far away
why yes, you are. the empty
soul drifting through, wrapped
in skin. are you alive? or do you
mimic the patterns of life,
hoping to deceive. but to no avail,
dear, because i can see that you’re
pale as ashes. i wont give up, throw
away, stop my efforts: new dawn
awaits the changed fate. i will keep you
forever, never sever the bond
that we both have. it will sink in
soon enough that though you try to saw
away at the rope, your efforts are futile.
our promises are not lies:
recall and understand.
you have no idea how many times
sandstorms ravage my sleep deprived mind.
even though they blow over,
grains get stuck in the crevices, never
to leave. i’ll always remember the best
of times and the worst of times.
i’ll let you know that i wont sleep on it.
its a lonely road, miles away from love,
hope and purpose: undefined. i’ll recall
all the things you’ve said to me
as i brave out the glass shards slicing my skin,
and its all i have.
we all need the person who could be true,
but its scattered across so many. the impostor
will come and go, but others, they will stay
no matter what.
“ive made up my mind” you say, but have you?
sorry, love. its not going to go down that way.
me and what army?
you’ll see.
it seems you’re far away
why yes, you are. the empty
soul drifting through, wrapped
in skin. are you alive? or do you
mimic the patterns of life,
hoping to deceive. but to no avail,
dear, because i can see that you’re
pale as ashes. i wont give up, throw
away, stop my efforts: new dawn
awaits the changed fate. i will keep you
forever, never sever the bond
that we both have. it will sink in
soon enough that though you try to saw
away at the rope, your efforts are futile.
our promises are not lies:
recall and understand.
you have no idea how many times
sandstorms ravage my sleep deprived mind.
even though they blow over,
grains get stuck in the crevices, never
to leave. i’ll always remember the best
of times and the worst of times.
i’ll let you know that i wont sleep on it.
its a lonely road, miles away from love,
hope and purpose: undefined. i’ll recall
all the things you’ve said to me
as i brave out the glass shards slicing my skin,
and its all i have.
we all need the person who could be true,
but its scattered across so many. the impostor
will come and go, but others, they will stay
no matter what.
“ive made up my mind” you say, but have you?
sorry, love. its not going to go down that way.
me and what army?
you’ll see.
how do you contemplate your corrupted fate?
how do you contemplate your corrupted fate?
open. your mind and
see. the world as it is.
stop over complicating things
because you’re not the boss.
just a useless pawn in the midst
of the board. jump the gun
to shoot it head on
well you fail, sir. because you
pulled the trigger too fast and
blasted yourself instead.
you happy now? on the floor there
bleeding your guts out?
i bet you are. smile on your face…
do you honestly think you did it for good
because he just ran away unscathed.
the black queen reigns:
check and mate.
open. your mind and
see. the world as it is.
stop over complicating things
because you’re not the boss.
just a useless pawn in the midst
of the board. jump the gun
to shoot it head on
well you fail, sir. because you
pulled the trigger too fast and
blasted yourself instead.
you happy now? on the floor there
bleeding your guts out?
i bet you are. smile on your face…
do you honestly think you did it for good
because he just ran away unscathed.
the black queen reigns:
check and mate.
